JEDDAH, 26 April 2007 -- A social center that engages in premarital counseling is pushing to have such courses made compulsory.
Officials at the Mawaddah Social Center in Jeddah, which counsels Saudis planning to marry and is engaged in compulsory counseling for couples facing marital problems, say that making premarital counseling compulsory would help combat Saudi Arabia's growing divorce rate, estimated by the Ministry of Planning to be about 19 percent.
"We have submitted a request to the Ministry of Health to cooperate with the hospital, especially after we saw the high incidence of the family problems at the hospital," said Yaser Shalabi, chief family counselor at the center, referring to the Maternity and Children's Hospital in Jeddah where Mawaddah conducted its first two-day premarital counseling course in conjunction with the hospital on Monday and Tuesday.
The center has offered premarital courses at separate locations for the past five years.
This recent course was for men only, but the center has counseled both men and women in the past and is planning future courses at the hospital for women.
"This is the first course of its kind at the hospital," said Abeer Mirdad, pediatric consultant endocrinologist and director of students' medical education at the Maternity and Children's Hospital.
Shalabi, who conducts the seminars, said subjects discussed in the course include proper conduct during the engagement period, the marriage contract, wedding preparations, married life, relationship with the in-laws and building social relationships as a married couple.
Dr. Mahmoud Khoja also counsels men on how to deal with their wives during pregnancy and sickness. "Attendees get information and do exercises," said Khoja. "The exercises present scenarios and problems and suggest choices of solutions that attendees answer and then the trainer discusses ideal answers."
"The course is subject to change and develop according to societal needs and feedback from attendees," said Shalabi, who pointed out that such counseling is compulsory in Malaysia, which gives one-month premarital training courses, and other countries. Mawaddah receives engaged couples usually at the request of one side of the family. The center also handles counseling for rocky marriages, which are sent to them by the courts before they grant divorces.
"All the cases pass through the center before they go to court," said Shalabi. "This is obligatory for divorce, violation of marital duties by the wife, alimony, custody and visitations cases. We even opened a visitation office inside the center for separated parents to see their children at a neutral place."
Shalabi said that the cases the center has received include fathers who leave their newborns at the hospital after fighting with their wives, or men who left their wives after they gave birth to girls.
The center has branches at both the General Court and the Marriage Court and claims to have a 45 percent success rate in resolving marital problems. Mawaddah officials say the center has succeeded in preparing around 5,700 young men and women in 150 premarital courses. "We are trying to generalize the course in all areas of the Kingdom," said Shalabi.
The center advertises its services in Jeddah on bulletin boards and posters placed at the hospital's premarital genetic testing center. Genetic testing was made compulsory in 2003 in Saudi Arabia as a way to prescreen for genetic compatibility due to the propensity of cousins to marry.
Mawaddah works closely with the Maternity and Children's Hospital in Jeddah because it is the largest provider of premarital genetic testing in the city.
"It's a great idea and we welcomed it, especially considering the high percentage of divorces happening here," said Shalabi, who said he would like to see the course be obligatory. "I feel that the youths here are aware of the importance of these courses and are thirsty for them."
Yousef Al-Ghamdi, a 32-year-old worker at the Jeddah Islamic Port who plans to get married soon, attended the course after his colleague recommended it.
"Two days isn't enough," he said. "I benefited a lot from the course because I felt like I didn't have a background on how to deal with my wife and avoid fights."
He said if the same lecture had been available for women, he would have told his fiance to attend it.
Al-Ghamdi, who was married once before, said that this course would have helped him avoid problems in his first marriage that led to divorce.
Osama ibn Talib, an employee at the center, was married two months ago and says he would like to see this program made compulsory.
"In our society, men treat their wives depending on the traditions not the religion," he said. "They think they are a possession. They are aggressive with them."
By Lulwa Shalhoub
© Arab News 2007
