UAE: Growing up as an expat kid can have a long-term positive impact

PHOTO

In 2022, when then 14-year-old South African teen, Alana, learned that her family would be moving to Dubai, her mind went blank with disbelief.

“I was just so overwhelmed. I didn’t know how to feel or what to expect. It was all so unreal. My friends and I had made plans for prom and to graduate with each other. This was my hometown – I’d never lived anywhere else. It was all being taken away from me.”

Her mother, Irene, a 45-year-old teacher, was facing fears of her own.

“We were moving for my husband’s work. And I knew it was a great opportunity but there was a lot of fear and guilt on my part, too. I’d never been to Dubai, and I kept thinking, ‘Are we making the right decision for our family?’” she said. “We were all in the same boat, so I knew it was our job as parents to provide as much safety and support as possible during this transition.”

Irene committed to keeping open lines of communication with her kids to allow them the space to express their feelings— even if it wasn’t always pretty.

“I lashed out a lot at my mom. I resented my parents for making me move. I was really angry at them for a while,” Alana admitted.

In addition to having her old friends forget her and not being able to keep in touch, one of Alana’s biggest fears was how to make new friends in a place she knew nothing about.

“I had a lot of social anxiety when it came to coming to my new school in Dubai because I was worried about everyone liking me and making new friends. At this age, and in the middle of the school year, everyone has their cliques. My biggest worry was being accepted into a friend group and actually being included in things – like getting added to group chats or being invited to go out.”

According to Dr Nikita Bhatnagar, the clinical psychologist at Connect Psychology Clinic who treated Alana when she came to Dubai, the biggest challenge faced by adolescents who become expats is rooted in social identity theory.

The theory states that individuals categorise themselves and others into social groups based on shared characteristics such as race, ethnicity, nationality, religion, gender, and shared interests, hobbies or even sports team. These groups form a part of an individual's self-concept and contribute to their sense of identity. They also derive self-esteem from their membership in these social groups.

“Imagine how hard that can be for a teen,” Dr Bhatnagar explained. “Uprooting your previous life and everything that you've known. If you're moving to a new city with a different culture and different people, you go in with no identity, so to speak. There’s a massive adjustment period where you need to figure out what your place is, who you identify with, which groups you're like, and so on.”

Dr Bhatnagar explains that parents have a key role in helping teens transition to life as expats. While it can seem easy to be dismissive of adolescent fears, simply by listening empathically and acknowledging their fears about the move creates a psychologically safe space that they’ll learn to turn to when they need it most.

“We know that any experience that you have in childhood has long-term effects in adulthood, and moving countries is such a huge change. So if the experience of moving is a positive thing, and the child is provided support and psychological safety, then there are a lot of long-term positive consequences carried throughout their life. Expat kids become adults who are more open-minded, flexible, resilient, and accepting of new cultures and change.

“Whereas if the change is a negative experience – parents invalidate experiences and are dismissive, fears are not acknowledged and worked through, issues like bullying are unresolved – then that experience will shape how you view the world as an adult. It can result in becoming rigid, inflexible, resistant to change, and having an intolerance to uncertainty and being more prone to mental health concerns like anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression.”

Now 16, Alana can reflect on the move positively.

“Dr Nikita has helped me become more secure in myself and she has helped me calm my overthinking, too. I feel closer to my family – we only had each other when we came here. My mom was really understanding, even when I was rude to her, which I'm grateful for. There are still challenges but I know together we can work through them.”

And as for living in Dubai?

“A year ago, I would be shocked that I'm saying this, but living as an expat kid is such a positive experience because you're exposed to the world and to so many different things. If I'd stayed in my home country, I wouldn't have been exposed to anything new. I'm so grateful to have the privilege to be able to learn about different cultures and meet new people and make new friends and have new experiences. I love living in Dubai!”