JEDDAH: Many expatriate families have expressed concerns at difficulties that their children, who have lived all or most of their lives in the Kingdom, experience when they return to their home countries for good.
Many of these children become used to life in the Kingdom and struggle to cope when they return to their countries of origin. Most expatriates come to the Kingdom to earn money, and return after a number of years, a shift that often leaves their children in turmoil.
Abdulhakim Al-Mardoud is a Syrian engineer who worked in Jeddah for 17 years before leaving for good.
Al-Mardoud, who is from a traditional Syrian family that lives in a small village, said that on returning to Syria, his son became very independent and that he struggles to keep him under control.
"Most expatriate families who live in Saudi Arabia have a strict regime for their kids. This doesn't end even after their kids become teenagers. We lived in Jeddah until my son turned 17. During that time, he wasn't allowed to leave home and go out with his friends," said Al-Mardoud.
"I was his only friend apart from some of his class fellows at school. My son's main concern was watching Saudi football matches and playing football with his classmates. He used to always stay at home and never used to go out or ask me if he could go. I used to think this was his character and that he is very shy and calm," he added.
Things, however, changed after the family left the Kingdom. "On coming to Syria he changed totally. He has become very inquisitive. He wants to go everywhere and discover Syria. I used to be his best friend, but now he wants to make new friends and go out with his relatives. He's also recently struck friendships with girls from our extended family," said Al-Mardoud.
He added that while living in Jeddah, he could limit his son's movements by stressing that they were expatriates and needed to be disciplined. "After returning to Syria, he keeps saying that we're in our home country. He says he wants to hang out with his cousins and that there shouldn't be a problem as this isn't Saudi Arabia. He's also started taking decisions without consulting me," said Al-Mardoud.
Maha Taher is an Egyptian teacher and mother of three who lived in Saudi Arabia for 11 years. She moved to Egypt along with her children, while her husband decided to remain for work. At first she thought raising her children in Cairo would be better for her children's sake. Now she thinks otherwise.
"I thought raising my children in Cairo would help them in their education. However, after coming here, I've become busy with the new lifestyle and this has affected their education," she said.
"One of the main problems I've faced is balancing between my children's education and social life," she said, adding that her children have struggled to settle down in Cairo.
"They like the entertainment opportunities in Cairo. In Jeddah, I was able to force them to stay at home. In Jeddah they couldn't go anywhere unless they had money, but the situation in Cairo is different. There are many free tourist destinations and they can also get money off their other relatives whereas in Jeddah they couldn't do this," she said.
Taher has been able to control her two daughters and settle them down. She has, however, struggled with her son. "He never misses an opportunity to go to the movies and watch football matches. I still can't believe he's so free and walks around," she added.
Some expatriates said their children become big spenders when they return to their home countries. Ola Al-Zeben, a Jordanian mother of one, left Riyadh for Amman after 20 years.
"Me and my husband were forced to leave for Amman at a critical time when my daughter was 17 and at high school. We left and we were sure that this would affect her education and behavior because Amman is more liberal than Riyadh," said Al-Zeben.
"During her time in Riyadh, the only entertainment she had was going to the mall. Now, in Jordan she visits every place of interest. She also never misses a music concert. She believes that she is free and can spend money freely," she said.
"As a teenager, she feels that life in Amman was the best. Making friends with boys is not an issue whereas it wasn't even an option in Riyadh. She's become rather wild and this has affected her education. As a result, she failed to get a good score in high school," said Al-Zeben.
Most expatriate families say that they can offer their children everything in the Kingdom except freedom and independence.
Maya Hajjo, a psychiatrist who works at a private hospital in Jeddah, said that most expatriate children feel insecure and yearn for independence. "Children enjoy their disciplined life in the Kingdom because that's all they know. However, once they discover the world out there they are unable to control themselves," said Hajjo.
She added that for expatriate teenagers who return to their home countries, searching for an identity and doing all those things that they could not in the Kingdom becomes their main goal.
"They believe that having lots of friends, going out and having romantic relationships will empower them and bring them satisfaction. ... The parents suffer when they see all those efforts they made to keep their children in line while in the Kingdom going down the drain," she said.
© Arab News 2011
