We hear this catchy phrase often at the tail end of an argument when an irritated and frustrated person who cannot impose their point of view says - Can't we just agree to disagree? Although in theory, it is a good thing to be able to do, few people understand what it actually means to agree to disagree.
We all have opinions on a variety of topics. Many times, those opinions are the opposite of someone else's opinion. Since opinions don't have to be based upon logic, they can be based upon emotion, preference, experience or all sorts of other variables - people will often have differences of opinion and it doesn't necessarily mean one person is right and the other person is wrong.
Agreeing to disagree doesn't mean you have to give up your opinion. To the contrary, you simply keep your opinion to yourself, recognise others' right to hold a different opinion and agree not to argue about it. When you agree to disagree, you promote peaceful relationships. Disagreements will always happen, but you don't have to let them become a real problem. Instead, show others respect by allowing them to hold a different opinion than yours. Agree to disagree and you'll find your friends can remain your friends even if they don't think exactly like you do.
It is possible for 2 people to see and hear the same event and yet each has a totally different experience of what actually took place. Everything we see, hear or feel is processed and interpreted according to our education, knowledge and past life experiences. Since all of us have different past experiences, we will ascribe different meanings, and therefore have different versions, as to what happened.
Agree to disagree does not mean that we just give up on an argument that we feel is important and then hold onto resentment, anger, irritation, frustration or pain because of it. It also doesn't mean that we give in, say we are sorry, or feel that we have done something wrong in thought or action. It simply means that we understand we will be unable to see eye to eye and that it is okay to just disagree on certain things in life.
Arguing on this would be as useless as arguing which wonder of the world is the best. It also means understanding the importance of not being angry for any length of time; especially about things you cannot change. When you decide to just leave something the way it is, accept the fact that you and someone else think differently and move forward, you are making a statement about the trust and importance of the relationship at hand.
You are also making a larger statement about the healthy state of self-worth that you feel. Additionally, agreeing to not let the little things build up and become vicious monsters shows an immense sense of trust and respect to yourself and the other person involved.
In today's world of strong opinions and low tolerance, it is most vital that we really value the significance of agreeing to disagree. Countries have different points of view and may not see eye to eye on various topics. In the interest of world peace and the larger interest of humanity, this tool can be used to salvage many disturbing situations and leverage many conflicts. The world needs more peace and co-operation rather than rage and conflict.
We have retina scans and biometrics at airports. We recognise the fact that we all are different. If our finger prints can be distinct, can't our opinions be different? It is a simple fact of life, yet not easily understood and followed by many. It could be our egos that we are feeding by pressing our opinion on others. The amount of time and energy that is wasted in arguing and trying to impose our opinion could be utilised for so many better things.
It is always best to just let some things go. Being able to realise which things to let go and which things to hang on to is an important relationship skill. In life, there are things to fight for and there are things not worth the energy of an argument. Being able to decipher the difference is a great gift and enables us to have wonderful relations with people in our lives.
The writer is founder of Legal Connect. Views expressed are her own and do not reflect the newspaper's policy.
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