New expats to Abu Dhabi unpack their box of woes

08 March 2008

Abu Dhabi: Less than a day after her honeymoon, she flew into Abu Dhabi. Not to visit, but to start a new life - all over again.

Except, this was not Britain or South Africa, as she was used to, this is the Middle East.

She left her dream job as a veterinarian doctor; she left her friends and all the culture she holds dear and came here. She could not speak Arabic and knew very little about its people.

Her family thought she was "out of her mind," but she followed her husband.

Once the boxes were unpacked, reality hit her and hit her hard.

"I didn't have any purpose, goal or identity aside from being a housewife," Crispian Wheatley, 36, says.

For a person who has relied mostly on her own efforts, looking around for strength was a weakness for her. "I didn't want to need people. No one here knew me. I was alone and contemplating if I made the right decision in coming here," she says.

A few weeks later she was sitting among 30 women who were all in the same shoes as her: new to Abu Dhabi, lonely, unemployed, doubting if they made the right decision, married to working men and desperate to know where the best hair salon in the area is.

"This made me realise that I wasn't the only one going through this and somehow that eased my pain," Wheatley says.

Their struggles were big and small: everything from loneliness down to where they can get their hairdo. In their home countries, they were teachers, doctors, business women, daughters, sisters and students. Although they all come from different parts of the world, there was one thing holding them together: "to thrive and not just survive," Wheatley says.

Similar struggles

Every Tuesday morning this group of vibrant and lively women get together and the room is transformed into laughter but can instantly turn into a heart-felt discussion if the situation merits it. They call themselves the "boxes ladies," which is a term that is based on their group called Just Moved.

"This is an international programme based on a book by Suzanne Miller titled After the Boxes are Unpacked," says one of the organisers Anne-Mi Hendrikse.

As a South African who first settled in Abu Dhabi 11 years ago, Hendrikse was familiar to the struggles that most of these women face.

"All of us leave behind all what we know and what's familiar. I didn't have my own car, no job, no yard. Nothing. It was my first time out of South Africa and it was a culture shock. When I read this book I thought it was written for me," Hendrikse says.

From this book, the idea of creating these Tuesday 'Boxes' sessions was born a year ago.

Today, more than 30 new women gather in a small classroom above the Evangelical Church of Abu Dhabi to read the book and discuss everything from loneliness to hairdos.

Although the programme is open to all women, it is done through the church. Occasionally, the women will go on city tours, barbecues and meet-the-husbands events.

"Moving can be really traumatic, especially for women. The whole purpose for this programme is to pool our resources together and help one another," Krista Heath, one of the organisers says.

When Heath moved from Canada to Abu Dhabi with her husband and two children her experience was much the same.

"It was bearable at first, but 197 boxes later, I hit the ceiling. I remember flying over Iraq and thinking what the heck am I doing," Heath says.

When she first saw the Starbucks on Hamdan Street, she cried. "It was familiar and that's all I needed." She says.